In North Carolina, when couples decide to part ways, they often hope for a smooth and respectful transition—a process known as an “amicable divorce.” But what exactly does this term mean, and how does it apply to the legal landscape of the Tar Heel State?

In this blog, we’ll discuss what an amicable divorce is. We’ll also discuss the benefits and what you need to know if you’re considering this path. If you’re ready to move on from your marriage but don’t want things to get messy, an amicable divorce may be right for you!

What is an Amicable Divorce?

An amicable divorce in North Carolina embodies a cooperative approach between spouses, where both parties work together to reach agreements without needing court intervention.

This form of divorce particularly appeals to couples seeking to sidestep the complexities and costs of traditional, contested divorces. In essence, an amicable divorce is a “collaborative divorce.”

Opting for an amicable divorce offers a range of advantages. Firstly, it tends to be significantly more cost-effective than contested divorce proceedings. Secondly, it saves valuable time, a crucial consideration, especially when children are involved.

Most importantly, amicable divorces often cultivate a more positive post-divorce relationship between ex-spouses. This “peaceful” divorce process involves steps you can take together.

First, you and your spouse must reach a mutual understanding on all divorce terms, encompassing matters such as child custody, child support, and the equitable division of assets.

When agreement is achieved, the divorce process becomes streamlined and straightforward. Essentially, it becomes an amicable divorce where partners work to make the entire divorce process less divisive and argumentative.

By working together, a “civil” divorce eliminates the need for judicial intervention.

Getting an Amicable Divorce in NC

North Carolina operates under a ‘no-fault divorce’ system, where you don’t need a reason to ask for the dissolution of a marriage.

The initial step toward achieving an uncontested, out-of-court divorce is determining whether you meet the eligibility criteria in North Carolina.

Before pursuing an uncontested divorce, both spouses must concur on the following:

  • Residency: At least one of you must have been a North Carolina resident for at least 6 months.
  • Alimony Agreement: You must either agree to forego alimony or reach a mutual understanding regarding the amounts involved.
  • Property Division: A court-ordered property division won’t be necessary if you and your spouse agree.
  • Separation Period: You and your spouse should have lived separately for at least 1 year.

To attain an amicable divorce in North Carolina, you’ll need consensus on all aspects of the divorce. You can sidestep many of the typical court proceedings and associated fees by achieving agreement outside of the courtroom.

When You and Your Spouse Cannot Agree

When spouses find themselves at an impasse, two non-judicial options can help find agreement.


If you and your spouse cannot agree on an issue, you may hire a 3rd party to act as a mediator. This could be an attorney you both trust or a counselor. Ensure the best outcome by working with someone who fully understands the laws and issues surrounding your disagreements.

When collaborating with a third party to find consensus, their understanding of probable outcomes in a court of law becomes valuable. This understanding not only aids you and your spouse in grasping the stakes involved but also paves the way for crafting an agreement that mirrors what a judge is inclined to decree.

Placing trust in your mediator’s ability to provide an accurate portrayal of the likely courtroom scenario empowers you to make necessary compromises, all while steering clear of the formal courtroom proceedings.

Attorney Negotiations

You and your spouse may also choose to both hire attorneys. From there, you negotiate with each other through your attorneys. Your attorneys try to find an agreement so that you can get an uncontested divorce.

An “uncontested” divorce means creating a settlement agreement without a contentious in-court procedure.

Hiring attorneys to represent each of you may cost much more than an amicable divorce, where you work out issues together without a 3rd party. Involving others in finding agreements may also draw out the time it takes to get your divorce. Eventually, if you and your spouse cannot agree, the attorneys will take your case into the courtroom for a judge to decide.

How to File for an Amicable & Uncontested Divorce

If you and your spouse can agree on the terms of your divorce, an attorney can help you achieve the amicable divorce you desire.

You may also try a DIY divorce by filling out the necessary forms to move forward. Having a divorce attorney makes the process easier and more accurate.

You will need these forms to file for a “no-fault” divorce in NC:

If you need help, talk to an attorney focused on the divorce process. They can help ensure your marital rights stay intact while helping you achieve an amicable and agreeable divorce.

Creating a Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA)

You and your spouse must agree on many different issues before filing for divorce. Your separation agreement usually begins to outline all of the agreed-upon terms. Starting with an amicable separation can often lead to a less complicated time finding agreement for your divorce issues.

Eventually, you’ll need to work together to create a Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA).

Issues to consider include:

  • Child custody: Will you share care and living arrangements equally with your children? How much time will each child spend with each parent?
  • Visitation: When and how will you see your children? Are there any rules or special needs you would like to include in the paperwork for you both to abide by? 
  • Legal separation: If you choose to write up a legal separation agreement, you can include child custody and visitation issues, financial matters, property issues, etc.
  • Child support: Will one parent pay child support to the other?
  • Alimony: Will one spouse pay alimony to the other?
  • Division of pensions, joint savings accounts, and retirement plans: You must work through the financial assets with your spouse before the divorce, or you can lose your ownership or beneficiary status for financial accounts. In the divorce proceeding, your agreements must be in writing for them to apply legally. A verbal agreement from a spouse is not enough to ensure your retirement savings. Also, look at insurance policies and who the beneficiaries are on each account.
  • Debt: Any debts you or your spouse owe to a creditor must also go through a negotiation process. After the divorce, whoever’s name is on the account is on the hook. 
  • Equitable distribution of marital property: A large part of divorce is negotiating property ownership with your spouse. It is wise to work with someone impartial to help you come to a fair agreement on items such as cars, houses, boats, furniture, or other items in your home.

While an amicable divorce is a worthy goal, working these issues out with a spouse is not easy. A divorce lawyer can help you draft your divorce agreement and achieve the amicable divorce process you aim for.

10 Ways to Work Toward an Amicable Divorce with Your Spouse

Let’s explore how you can facilitate agreement with your spouse on the central issues that need resolution before finalizing your divorce. Here are some strategies to guide you through this challenging process:

  1. Open and Honest Communication: Start by creating a safe space for open and honest conversations with your spouse. Listen actively to each other’s concerns, expectations, and priorities. Effective communication lays the foundation for reaching compromises.
  2. Consider Mediation: Seeking the assistance of a skilled mediator can be incredibly valuable. A neutral third party can help both of you navigate difficult discussions, provide legal insights, and guide you toward mutually acceptable solutions, often resulting in a quicker and less contentious process.
  3. Set Realistic Expectations: Understanding the divorce laws in your jurisdiction is crucial. Educate yourself about the legal framework that applies to your situation. Realistic expectations can prevent frustration and conflicts as you progress.
  4. Prioritize Children’s Best Interests: If you have children, remember that their well-being should come first. Collaborate on a parenting plan that takes into account their needs, schedules, and preferences. Building a cooperative co-parenting relationship is essential for everyone’s benefit.
  5. Financial Transparency: Ensure both you and your spouse provide complete and accurate financial information. Transparency is vital to a fair division of assets and debts, fostering trust and agreement on financial matters.
  6. Consider Creative Solutions: Think outside the box when exploring solutions. Sometimes, creative compromises, like shared custody arrangements or unique property divisions, can be mutually beneficial.
  7. Legal Assistance: Consulting with separate family law attorneys can provide valuable guidance. While they represent your individual interests, they can also help you find common ground and negotiate fair settlements.
  8. Stay Flexible and Patient: Be prepared for the negotiation process to take time. Stay patient, flexible, and open to revisiting and adjusting agreements as circumstances change.
  9. Put Agreements in Writing: Once you and your spouse reach agreements, document them clearly and legally. This ensures clarity and helps both parties adhere to the divorce terms.
  10. Embrace Conflict Resolution Skills: Learning effective conflict resolution techniques is essential. Skills like compromise, active listening, and empathy can help you navigate disagreements constructively.

In your journey toward divorce, fostering agreement with your spouse streamlines the process and preserves amicable relationships, especially when children are involved. By approaching negotiations with patience, understanding, and a willingness to cooperate, you can achieve mutually satisfactory resolutions to the major issues that must be settled before finalizing your divorce.

Remember, you’re not alone in this process. Seeking guidance and support from divorce lawyers can be incredibly helpful.

We’re Here to Assist You

At Cape Fear Law, we have a wealth of experience helping couples achieve amicable divorces outside the courtroom. With our extensive background in facilitating negotiations and crafting solutions that benefit everyone involved, we’re committed to making the process as seamless as possible.

If you want to learn more about our services or need assistance working through divorce negotiations with your spouse or filing for divorce, we’re here for you.